I am interested to hear from other adoptive parents about how they raise adopted children along with raising bio children. Tetyana doesn't have a lot of "issues". At least no major problems that have surfaced yet. Yes, she was in an orphanage but only for a year and a half. I really think before that her mother and father loved her. Maybe it is what I want to believe but in my gut and from what she has told us I feel this is true. She has really fit right in to family life.
We are raising her the same way we are raising Luke. Same discipline, same everything. I read on other blogs about how adoptive parents are trying to figure out if behavior is normal kid behavior or behavior stemming from their lives in their birth country. I wonder if we should be doing it differently.
I am getting a quick lesson on what you expect from one child you often don't expect from another. I expect Luke to excel in school and I expect Tetyana to be able to clean her room well. I expect Luke to argue every thing we say to him and I expect Tetyana to obey. It is in their personalities. I am sure once Tetyana catches up in school my expectations for her will change. I will never expect Luke will EVER have a clean room! He better make enough money to have a housekeeper! LOL The boy is a tornado!
If you are raising adopted children along with bio children let me know how you are doing it. I don't want to raise Tetyana with her adoption defining her but I don't want to ignore it either.
Our Family Photo's
Monday, April 6, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I think you really have to let the kids set the pace. If what you're doing is working, remember that old attage "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." We are in a situation in which we have a bio daughter and 2 adopted sons. Both our boys have "issues" - PTSD, RAD, ADHD, probably FASD, and the list goes on. It is a very difficult balance in parenting all our kids. They CAN'T be paretned the same way. "Traditinal" techniques definately don't work with my boys and significantly escalates their "stuff", but theraputic techniques often turn my daugher into a princess-brat. So, I guess the real answer is do what works for each child, mesh the best of all the ideas, and pray A LOT :-).
I am the same way. I just don't expect the same things from each child. It is hard for me to articulate why but I do expect my boys to "behave" and cut my girls some slack. That sounds bad, I know but I think it is simply that I know the girls try to do the right thing and the boys are more likely to try to get away with junk! Also, the maturity level of my boys is different. They act more like younger children who learn in a more black-and-white manner still. That is probably the real reason, now that I think about it.
Anyway, like you said, they are different! I use the same methods for all the children but I apply them in different ways depending on the circumstances. The tricky part is when the bios and the non-bios get into trouble together. I try and use that time as an example to the adoptee. As in, they both get in "trouble" but as I explain why we don't do that behavior, I direct my words more towards the bio kid. This way they see that more mature child processing the information (and hopefully that "mature" kid handles it well!).
I suppose that was as clear as mud! At any rate, Diana is right, go with what is working!
Post a Comment