As Tetyana learns more English she has been able to tell us more about her life in Ukraine or "Krain" as she calls it. When we visited her at the orphanage we were so impressed with the facility and they way they took care of the children. Boy, were we misled! Don’t get me wrong, she was cared for and to this point has never said she was abused there or that she really wanted to leave. I am not even sure she knew this was an option since they have not had any families adopt from her orphanage or group since before she was placed there. The orphanage was clean and they had running water and heat but there was a big show put on for us during the weeks that we visited.
Each day we visited Tetyana she had on new, clean clothes and she would be in a different outfit for the morning and afternoon visits. She now tells us they wore old clothing and that the clothes she was in and the other kids were in when we went to see her group were only worn when we were there!
She also told us they used a squatter toilet not a regular toilet like the one we used during visits.
The director told us they showered/bathed each day but T says they only did once a week. No wonder why she asks me why she needs to take another shower after 2 days. She isn’t used to being washed so much!
Even though they showed us all of the food they fed the kids, I am waiting for her to tell us that there was a limited amount. She has food issues that we are diligently working through. If she doesn’t see a snack in her backpack for school she will nearly have an anxiety attack. Also, she is so thin. They had to have only fed the kids small amounts.
When we toured the orphanage, they showed us a gymnasium, dental office, psychology play room and told us they had a pool. Tetyana said she had never seen any of these places and they did not have a pool!
I guess this is why they told us there was Chicken Pox in one of the groups and we would have to visit in a tiny room. They didn't want us to see what was really happening there.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Our Family Photo's
6 comments:
We're right there with you. The more we learn about our kids, the more we realize the great lengths they went to in order to keep up the charade. Oh yah, we were shown all the wonderful places and treated quite well at my younger son's orphanage. Yet there was still an air of fakeness to it. They tried to put on a show at my older son's internat, but they were only able to maintain it for about the first two days as we kept showing up on surprise after that and they knew we'd seen through their little charade. We were never invited into the sleeping quarters (and for good reason - our camera sneeked in there, though and saw what they didn't want us to see. There were NO mattresses or bedding of any kind on the broken 1930's metal spring beds.) We weren't allowed in the school areas or in the indoor play areas or the gym and more than once we noticed the "caretakers" and teachers showing up to work drunk...and in some cases drinking while they were there.
And then there's what they told us about my boys' medical conditions and birth family. There was a coordinated story about our older son especially that we heard at the SDA, at his internat, and also at my younger son's orphanage. We questioned it even at the SDA and as we suspected, the details just didn't add up. We now know the story about his leg is not the only one they tried to cover up. Oh yes - we, too, were in small towns where several of the people knew my boys' birth family...but they would clam up and refuse to talk any time we asked any questions. They obviously knew a lot more than they wanted us to know. Now that my son has been able to tell us about some of them, I can see why. Yet it is so disheartening that those who had the information that could really help my kids heal were too scared to share it.
Are you really suprised at these things? We adopted our little boy from an RU orphaage and the educational prep from our agency told us of similar conditions in his orphanage. Are your comments helpful or hurtful to those waiting or wanting to adopt? Do we Americans expect too much due to our wonderful condiitons? What would a child in an American orphage tell you? I am just glad that the Russians let us adopt our little man and we try to move forward and understand his issues. Your little ones are lovely! Your blog is an asset to the foreign adoption process. Thanks!
I think this post is a good one, both for parents that have completed an adoption and those still in the process.
We were also presented with a very positive overview of our daughter's orphanage. And while I have not had many reasons to doubt much of what we were shown, she has shared a few stories about discipline and things that were done that surprised me. Her comments have come up at times when we weren't even talking about her life before now, so I know there are memories that creep in.
In general, she speaks fondly of her experience there, but some of these memories can explain some of the reactions or behaviors we see now.
Michelle, that is so sad. I am amazed that Tetyana can tell you all of this. At least you know that she is WAY better off now.
We had similar experiences in TW and what we were told is not really the case. I am so grateful that we all have our children home and in a better place now.
So incredibly sad...and unfortunately, way too familiar. I think we saw the true orphanage that Maddie was in. I played in her playroom, dressing room and bedroom every day...and had free acces to just about every part of the orphanage. BUT for my older children I am convinced they had situations exactly like your daughters. It makes me thankful they were too small to remember any of it.
Our family traveled to Ukraine just shortly before yours did last year but we didn't have the happy ending that your family did. At the urging of our agency, we ultimately withdrew from the program, however there isn't a day that passes that I don't think about the Ukrainian children and pray for them. Tetyana is so blessed to have such a wonderful family! It is amazing how much she has grown in the last year.
Post a Comment