Not sure how this post will be received but this is our lives and we only get one shot at them. So on the brink of turning 40 I am learning how to live my life without any regrets!
Let me give you some background on how Tetyana kept her birth name. After we saw Tetyana's file we went to her region and met her. She was a beautiful child and we knew when the director asked us after only 15 minutes if we wanted to adopt her that our answer would be yes. It seemed like once we said yes they whisked us out the door with a stack of paperwork. Like many adoptive parents our heads were whirling and our hearts were full. We had found our daughter...the daughter I had dreamed about for years before I even met my husband.
You know the dreams...dressing them up in super cute things, doing their hair, decorating their rooms and as with any child....naming them. Before we left for Ukraine we made a list of names and decided once we saw our daughter we would chose the perfect name for her. But after we left the orphanage we were taken to a notary's office and asked what her name would be. Our facilitator left and told us she would be back in 10 minutes for the name. We felt so confused because our daughter was 7. We wanted to change her name but we also wanted to have a conversation with her about it first. Maybe give her the names we had chosen and let her decide what her American name would be. We were told her name could have been her birth mother's name and possibly not even her true name. We didn't know what to do, so we left her name as it was.
After being with her in her own country once we left the orphanage, I notice we were saying her name completely wrong. Yes we lacked the accent but even if we tried our best we still screwed up our own child's name! She pronounces her name "Tet-chon-na" and we call her "Tet-y-ona". Once we got home we saw that everyone who met her first could not understand her when they asked her her name and then just called her "Tatianna". So everyone butchers her name and always will. We tried to think of a nick name for her but nothing derived from her name sounded right.
On top of that I felt like we missed out as parents on naming her. It was one piece to my lack of attaching to her and making her mine. A good friend and fellow Ukrainian AP suggested once we moved, we change her name to her middle name (which is what we would have chosen for her first). After talking with Drew about this idea, we asked Tetyana how she would feel about using her American name. She was all over it! I have asked her a million times if she is sure and she says yes each time excitedly. So when I filled out her school papers I asked her one more time and told her if I put Sage on the papers we would have to stick to it. She wanted to know when we could start! We are all working on remembering to call her it. Each time we do, she gets a really big smile on her face. Today while playing Sorry! I said "It's Sage's turn." and she had a huge smile on her face and gave me a big squeeze! So our daughters name is now Sage.
Our Family Photo's
7 comments:
Good for you! And good for her!
We had a little longer than you did to choose names for our kids...but overnight after a very stressful day and an early morning the next day was all. Since we had never even considered adopting two boys before we traveled, we had absolutely no ideas for names up until the point we were told we had to. We put the wheels in motion within 15 minutes of meeting our youngest son as well.
We knew from the minute we found out who they were, though, that both their Ukrainian names would have forever been slaughtered in English. We figured they were going to grow up as Americans and it would only be a matter of time before they lost all their first native tonge, so they ought to have new English names to go along with their new life. Their Ukrainain names were Nazari - pronounced more like Nuh-zot-i and Ivan (ee-VON) with the nickname of Vanya (VON-yuh). When we chose their names, we didn't even realize that our youngest went by his nickname. As it turned out, he really didn't even have any association with his actual given name, which is the one we kept as middle name. As we knew would happen, everyone uses the English pronunciation of it anyway, which thankfully isn't very often.
With our older son, we did let him choose his own English name. He didn't even have to think about it. He knew the one he liked best the moment he heard it. Because of language delays, even HE didn't pronounce his Ukrainian name correctly. Even in Ukraine, the way he said it sounds more like the slaughtered English version of it. It also took us three days to figure out how to pronounce it ourselves - so we dropped his Ukrainian name completely. We figured he was going to have enough other stuff to catch up on before he would be "normal" that we didn't want his name to be one more thing that eternally makes him "different." We still use the slaughtered English version of it as a reference sometimes at home -which is also the only version my son remembers how to say anyway. He also knows that when he turns 18he can legally change his middle name back to Nazari if he wants to. I doubt he will, though.
No stoning from us here! We changed our six year olds name without his consent. Our 15 yr old now wishes she had changed as well! We tell her next year when she goes to high school we will switch to her middle name. It's good that Sage made the decision too!
I always thought you would get around to it when the time was right - tno surprise here! And I completely agree that it just feels like one of those things moms dream about. We missed out on enough of their beginnings, and to get to make an impact on what they will be called can make a big difference!
Love the name, Michelle!
School gets out here soon, and we're overdue for a nice long visit! I'll give you a call... :)
I have not checked your blog forever and just happened to read a few of your posts, both about the food and the name.
We changed our then 4 year old name, knowing that his given name in Vietnam, Quang, would be horribly mispronounced. It was pronounce more like Hwong there. We ended up changing his first name to his last name (Le)but we spelled it Lee.
Although I am happy we changed his name, and he never seemed to question it (2 1/2 years later) I still think about how I had a thought before we got him that I wanted the name Elijah. Sometimes I wish I had just gone for it and change it completely, but we feel like we did the best we could with little preparation and the thought of keeping at least something from his original name.
As far as the eating goes, we have a neighbor girl who does the same exact thing (not adopted by the way) and can't seem to keep her paws off of anyone's food. Our son did the same thing for awhile. The first six months were just painful with his gorging and constant "hunger." But he leveled off after awhile.
It could just be the enjoyment of all of the different flavors and the availability of food. Growth spurts seems to make my daughter eat everything that isn't nailed down.
Glad you all seem to enjoy your new location.
I think that is great Michelle! I bet you all adjust to it very quickly and you will be happy you did it. We had planned on re-naming our adopted child, but we liked her name so we kept it. I still think of changing the spelling of Deanna's name. The Ukranian translation comes out Diana, but the way it is now everyone says Dee-ann-a instead of Dee-ah-na. Like you, we had only a few minutes to decide on the name.
If I could figure out a better spelling, I might still do it!
Congratulations to Sage on her new pretty and unique name.
Not judging over here:) We changed Mia's name at 3 and we kept her Taiwanese name as her middle name. There is no way any one could have pronounced "Chia-Ling" here and I knew she would hate us as a teenager if we had kept her name and she was going to school with girls named Lauren and Katie:) So nice that Sage got to pick her name and is happy with it!
Now I have to remember to refer her to her as Sage:)
I'd be the last person to throw stones at you for this one. We've changed all four of our kids names, including Maddie who was almost four when we brought her home. Completely changed...both names. We gave them a brand new 'American' first name and a Russian/Ukranian middle name. Worked for us. So glad you followed your heart and allowed Sage to be included in the process.
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