He Said, She Said....

And there are 3 sides to every story...his, hers and the truth! We are having a little problem with story telling. Since we have been parents to a singleton, we have always known who the culprit was. Now when I say "who broke this?" or "who left the door open?" I am always told the same thing "it wasn't me".

Luke likes to walk the line and really could careless about being in trouble. I often see him weigh the consequence before deciding if he should continue with the behavior. As an adult, we would call this a "risk taker" and commend him for it. As a child, it gets him in trouble.

So one day last week Tetyana made up a story to get Luke into trouble. I think to myself "why would she just make up something that didn't really happen" and continued with punishing him. The truth did finally come out and she did lie. We explained to her about telling the truth and that if she told the truth the punishment may not happen or it would be less than if she lied. She completely understood. She had to spend the evening in her room.

The same scenario happened again on Saturday. She said she was sleeping and Luke poured water in her eyes. I could see Luke doing this but he firmly denied it. What is so strange about this is we weren't talking about sleeping or putting water in any one's eye's. She just told us this story over dinner with Luke sitting right next to her. She did admit to not telling the truth. I thought no TV for 5 days was appropriate but Drew thought talking to her again would be sufficient. That is after I told her we would be suspending her TV privileges and she burst out into tears. I think she is working him big time!

So last night we had another "situation" and I heard most of what happened and then walked in on Luke pushing Tetyana. I am so against boys hitting girls so I came unglued. I grounded him to his room. Meanwhile, Tetyana was telling Drew her side of the story. A little later on, Luke was allowed to tell his side calmly. They were completely different! I mean, it was like they were in two different rooms with other people. He said she punched him (which she has before) in the face and he was pushing her off of him when I came in. Who do you believe? I don't have a history with her.

So again we explained to her about telling the truth and I firmly laid out the consequences...no TV and dessert for 5 days. She started crying and asked me if when she was in trouble did we not love her anymore. I explained to her she would always live with us and we would always love her. Even if she did the worst thing that could ever be done. My heart broke for her. In the 3 months that we have been home, I think this is the first time she has ever expressed fear in her loosing us as a family also.

Any advice out there on this?? I know so much that we are experiencing is part of siblings and over time we will get used to it. I just don't want lying to become a habit for her.