to say Tetyana is adopted when talking with strangers without saying "she's adopted". When we are out in public it is obvious she speaks a different language and she is learning English. Sometimes, because of her accent and the way she speaks, I think some people think she is a special needs child. She could pass as our biological child and most of the time people just assume she is until she speaks.
Let me give you an example....we are at a water park and there are some little girls standing in line in front of us. I can tell they are trying to figure out what is going on with us and they strike up a conversation about the ride. They are simply curious. Saying "we just adopted her" makes me feel like she is an outsider to our family. Like she is separate. So I am trying to find another way to say it. The only thing I came up with was "she just joined our family". But I am not thrilled with that either. Any thoughts?
Friday, July 18, 2008
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I hope you get some good advice on this one, as I've had the same uneasiness about what to say. There have been a few times this summer when I've dropped Leeza off at Sunday school and the normal teachers aren't there, so I feel like I have to explain a little about why she might be a hard to understand. But I'd prefer to just let her be one of the kids.
Maybe "Our daughters first home was in Ukraine" or "Our daughter just moved here from Ukraine". Both are setting the stage that she is part of your family and give a simple factual statement for the language difference. Without using the word adopted which unfortunately seems to evoke a strange response for some. Hope it helps, we have talked about how we want to only use the word "adopted" when talking one-on-one with our children. We want their adoption to always be celebrated and special to them. But we don't want it to define them to others. We want the fact that they are our children to be the emphisis. We dealt with this a little when I married (my daughter was 14 and had never had a father). She took my husbands name and immediately started calling him Dad. Then switched to "step-Dad" because she heard my husband once introduce her as his "step-Daughter". He never made that slip up again!! And in a month or so she was back to "Dad". Girls especially never miss a trick when it comes to words! Take care.
maybe this is too simple of an explanation,
but perhaps you could say:
"this is our daughter... she is from ukraine and she is learning english..."
we hope to be in the same situation someday soon!!
best of luck,
rachel
We still get that 10 months home! We just reply "We think he speaks great English since it's his third language and he has only known it for 10 months!" It gets people's eyes to raise!
You could say something like T was born in Ukraine and is now our daughter!
I'll have to write a post about this!
Seems this question comes up a lot for us since there are 6 of them and people ask their ages. The next question is always, Are they all twins? I just say that we adopted the boys. But I say it proudly. I don't want them to think being adopted is wierd; on the other hand, I want to expose as many people to adoption as possible--so they don't think it's weird, either.
I don't bring it up unless I have to, though. I think then I would look like I was proud to have an oddity to show around. It is sometimes a debate I have with myself on whether or not to mention it--Like when the cashier at the grocery store says, "Wow! six kids! You look so good for having six kids!" (I always wonder what she'd think if she knew I had only given birth to three of them. Would she say, "Oh, well in that case...")
I think if you look like it's something to be handled carefully like a secret, she'll pick up on that but if you are proud of the fact that she is unique, she'll be less likely to feel separate. She'll have the English soon enough and then it won't come up so often anyway.
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